I’m going to be real here for a bit; self doubt has continually been my fatal flaw in my amateur career as a photographer. Honestly, I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. Yet every time I write these words down, I continually backspace. C’mon, has anyone heard of “fake it till you make it”? Why should I share a weakness I have? I really never thought I’d write about this in a career world of selling yourself but I had to share what raced through my head today.
On this fine Saturday, I woke up early and drove up to Boulder to meet the one and only Chris Burkard at the new Black Diamond store. This man has been a role model ever since I picked up a camera for the first time in high school. Not to hype him up too much and burst his ego… but his journey from amateur to professional gave me butterflies throughout my growth as a photographer. He’s a success story that shows you can make this creative outlet a full-time career. I knew since school that my life wasn’t meant to be strictly in a cubicle from 9 to 5 and man did he engrain that ideology in my head. He’s always popping up on my Instagram, sharing his insane life, pictures, expeditions, you name it. Yet, at the same time, he’s continually been this distant entity showcasing a dream life through my phone.
When I saw him today, it was the most surreal feeling. Not to sound weird but I literally had a realization that he was an actual human being. Okay, I was most definitely starstruck and had too much cold brew… but talking with him for that brief moment forced me to swallow too big ass pills:
1.) Yes Kelsey, this kind of career is real and attainable
2.) While attainable, how the hell are you going to be able to do it?
In this digital age, everyone can be a photographer. You can document your epic adventures all in 4K resolution on your phone with just a tap on the screen. But, what sets you apart from everyone? How do you stand out in an infinite sea of posts and hashtags? Outdoor/adventure photography currently has screwed point of view as well. Has anyone else noticed that it’s a prominently male dominated field? Not here to blame everything on the patriarchy but “Macho Man” energy is rampant the outdoor recreation space. Whenever I start editing after trips or posting finished photos on my social media outlets, there’s that little (okay maybe big) voice in my head that asks the almighty questions:
“Is it worth it?”
“Am I good enough?”
“You really think this is going to work out?”
It’s really just a spinning feedback loop of doom. I’m motivated to create by external forces then I doubt my own ability then I don’t do anything. Wonderful. But hey, at least I’m writing this blog post.
So what’s next? Will I just sit and stare at my new, signed Burkard print indefinitely? Maybe, but I probably shouldn’t do that.
It’s time to step forward without looking back. It’s time to push through the fears of failure and take every mistake with a grain of salt. It’s time to finally enjoy the journey I’m on even though I don’t know where I’ll end up.